In a few months we’ll celebrate our 8th wedding anniversary. I’ve met hubby when I turned 20, 12 years ago and we’ve been together ever since. Before meeting him in a train I had boyfriends, like most young girls. The same can be said about hubby, obviously. I really believe that this is one of the things that had a positive impact on our life. We know there are some wonderful people out there, but we know that is not enough.
We’ve been through so much together, buying houses, cars, changing jobs, getting pets, moving to the UK. We had our ups and downs as a couple and as individuals. We both changed a lot. At the same time, a few things remained the same and it’s unlikely that they will ever change.
So, what makes us happy as a family?
1. Shared vision. During the years we’ve evolved our vision developed with us. Now, our way of looking back into our past or looking forward into our future is even more compatible than it was 10 years ago.
We see the life in a similar way regarding the extended family, pets, finance, eating, working out, romance, home, even the way we want to spend our holidays.
2. Similar core values. Our values shape the way we act and what we want. The core values can’t be changed by talking or at least not easily. While compromises are natural in all relations, with time, making settlements regarding the important things in life can lead to unhappiness and frustration.
Our core beliefs dictate if we want children or not, a simpler lifestyle or we are searching for wealth, the way we see religion or spirituality, career or family life. I believe that communication is pretty much useless in this matter. Knowing what the other partner wants is very important, obviously, but it can’t “solve” any issues. Because it’s nothing to be solved, it’s just another perception on life.
A conflict of values will make unhappy at least one of the spouse. We have similar core values and it’s easier for us. Even if we don’t agree every time about the road we should take, our aim is the same.
3. Love. I don’t believe a marriage can be happy without love. Love, for me, is a mixture of interest, devotion, attraction, intimacy.
In my twenties I thought a happy marriage can be based on common interests and hobbies. Now I know it’s not true. It doesn’t matter if we like the same type of movies or music, food, sports, or games. We’ve discovered new passions by trying something that the other one likes. Hubby and I like very different things, as I said here and it’s not important, because we have in common the same things that do matter.